REVIEW: A Lady Does Not Scratch Her Crotch, Camden Fringe at Hen & Chickens Theatre 14, 17 & 18 August 2024

‘equal parts silly, sexy and astute’ ★★★★

In light of the recent and uncomfortable media debates around gender in Olympic boxing, Celeste Cahn’s piece about what it means to be a lady and the ramifications of ‘masculinity’ could not be more relevant. ‘A Lady Does Not Scratch Her Crotch’ mixes monologues with multi-rolling as its protagonist learns how to act like a woman; from trying to masturbate with a flower to discovering the power of blonde hair, Cahn explores the performativity of gender in a one-woman show that is equal parts silly, sexy and astute.

Dramaturgically, the show is well-considered. As the audience enters, they are invited to play children’s games like MASH and fortune teller, only to be cursed with ugliness by a witch. Cahn decodes the concept of beauty through Beauty and the Beast, masquerading as Belle and interacting with characters like Lumière (a sock puppet with a moustache), Mrs Potts (who catches her masturbating), Plumette (who teaches her how to wear makeup) and Gaston (an artful sharpie smile on Cahn’s bicep). The set consists only of storage boxes filled with Disney princess paraphernalia alongside coming-of-age teen essentials; a particular favourite of mine was a magazine titled ‘Happy Endings’ boasting a big-breasted Cinderella on its cover.

There was a certain romance to watching this young woman grow to understand herself and her sexuality through the eyes of a Disney princess; Cahn has intertwined Belle’s narrative with her own experience of the male gaze, and her jokes are well-placed and relatable. The audience cannot relax into the romance for too long, however, as Cahn adds clowning and hilarious physicality into the story, and even invites an audience member to kiss her on stage and score it with a rubric (a very funny one at that). There is a sense of triumph for Cahn/Belle in the final scene, where, having complained earlier that “Chip is allowed to polish himself off in the crockery cupboard” while she is expected to act like a “Lady,” she dances to ‘Tale As Old As Time’ with the Beast, closing the show by pushing his head into her crotch.

‘A Lady Does Not Scratch Her Crotch’ is an original take on gender as a performance which blends feminism with comedy in a unique concept; how wonderful to see that a childhood crush on The Beast could lead to such an entertaining piece of theatre.

A Lady Does Not Scratch Her Crotch by Celeste Cahn

Hen & Chickens Theatre

14^th, 17^th & 18^th August 2024

Box office: https://camdenfringe.com/events/a-lady-does-not-scratch-her-crotch-by-celeste-cahn/

Instagram: @ladydoesnotscratch

Written and performed by Celeste Cahn

Additional direction by Francesca Hsieh

Lighting design and tech operation by Finley Robertson

Sound consultation by Alex Ostroff and Francesca Hsieh

Reviewer Bio

Imo Redpath is a writer and actor for theatre, radio and TV. She graduated with an MFA in Scriptwriting from the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama and her plays ‘Foxes & Rabbits’ and ‘Pigs’ are currently in development. She writes a comedy blog on Substack about living with ADHD in London.